“Our worlds are different, you will never understand me and my life and I will never understand you and your life. We have nothing in common, we will never make it”. But you kept insisting you do understand. Ha…. You did not walk your talk. You used my same words to stop everything and took a part of me as you walked off. Fair enough…. I turned out to be the guinea pig for you. I am glad at least I was of some use to you. You discovered yourself through me, now you know better about your compatibility.
I knew it would be like that and I tried my best to save myself, which I failed miserably. How could I when people have the tendency to have feelings for the very foot-mat that they step on everyday at their homes. And you were a living being who made my days more beautiful with each passing moment. But I still have the happiness with me after all these years that (I guess 5 years) I was once a part of your life. I had a peep in your life and now I live with that little hint I got of your life to imagine how would have been living all these years that I have not seen you. And may be for the rest of our lives.
Irrespective of how things turned out ultimately, more than any sort of feelings I just have regret of not being able to make it up to you; there were so many things I wanted to do with you and for you. And all I have for you now is apologies for having thrown tantrums very often, nagged you, shouted at you…. Thinking of all these, I feel so bad and guilty. May be it is because of the same reason that I still see you as one of the most beautiful people I came across in my life. You endured all my messy deeds and always stood by me. You were the happiest when I did not shout at you for a day – aah… I still remember you saying this to me. but you also need to understand that I did those because I was aware and dreaded you leaving me; I was scared of losing you and wanted you to realize that I needed more than you planned to give me; I was actually begging for your commitment and sincerity.
At one point of time I held you responsible for all the pains that you caused me but all along I still prayed for your happiness. You touched my life so softly yet even today I feel the imprint that you left. A part of me still cries out that you faked everything and deceived me to the core. Sometimes it surprises me to think of how someone could lie looking into someone else’s eyes. But today, at this point of time, I give you the benefit of doubt that you must have meant at least ten percent of what you did and what you said. I look back onto those moments that we lived together with the thought that there must have been few moments that you were true and sincere. Let you be free of all your sins and let it be only happiness and success that crosses your path.
Flying away far and beyond the boundary of my heart
Singing the rhythmic song in ecstasy
O my bird, my bird, pleasure frees to roam around.
Wafting the decorated wings in the air of yours
Blowing thy gentle mesmerism
O my bird, my bird,
Toddling to and fro beyond the boundary of your domicile
Chuckling the inner essence of yours
O my baby, my baby, innocent rules to learn more.
Showing the innocent smiles over again and over
Craving thy little heart
O my baby, my baby
Calling far and yet beyond the boundary of thine solitary
Thinking the aroma of intimacy
O my darling, my sweetheart, thine missing is my dying
In those wanton pictures among those sandalwood
It is pastime passing excellent
O my babe, my darling
O friend, my friend
Laughing happy is good time together
Crying together is hard time passing hard wherever
O friend, my friend
Far and away yet in the inner core of my heart
Breathe beyond the limit of essence embedded in you and me
Not so long ago I spent my childhood with my brothers. It was indeed a great intimacy of brotherhood. As we move to manhood and lead the different path in life, we are miles apart. Miles apart that we rarely get to meet physically.
Mentally I ever love close in your heart
Physically wish remain ever in my heart
To be with you – my brothers!
It has become culture for all. A culture to meet back home for only on occasions like, new year celebration, annual rituals, Diwali etc.. It is indeed the education kick us apart miles away. We study for life. We work for life with different organizations and we spent life separately for lifetime.
All accumulations are bound for dwindling.
The dualism bounds to separatism.
But it is again a new culture that gone friends get to meet at the crematorium. Our new start of life shall weaken with the unloving death. And it is enliven for gone friends to meet again for the death at the crematorium.
For every birth’s gladness
I can’t defend to face death madness.
I was undeniably inspired by the pictures that I found in my PC to write this post. Not so long ago, I was in Mongar for the job training. It was good to see and relieving in me to know that they are happy together. A younger brother followed his big brother. Sometimes afterward, there is an end. And on the bridge of uncertainty they dwells.
Far and away on the uncertainty bridge
You and I dwell for the purpose of life.
Not many miles in an arena of life
Yet life shall be worth living for and fortify
For the moving death!
I am born and living. You were born and we are living a life. Let’s forget not to live a life that will bring us immense and unending happiness. Wish you happiness for all beings on this wonderful mother earth. Embrace you mother with dignity and die with the same.
Back then I used to remember everything. although I was always silent, I made sure to keep in touch with my beloved friends without much difficulties. Now, I can’t remember to call my friends or to remember their birth days. Maybe it is the side effect for desparately trying to cut myself off from the world. Sometimes experiences can rob you of your innocence. I find myself desperately trying to fill in those gaps. I try to brave. To be sanguine.
I created my account twice and forgot the password. Finally I am in again, with my new id and a similar nickname that I always preferred. Time surely does fly. Someone truly said Nopkin is ones online diary for the Bhutanese to pour their heart out. Here I am being grateful and thankful and writing out my emotions. I went through some articles about lost love and being sorry. Every individuals face these phase in life. To some, the concern of love and family comes sooner, and to others it’s late. The individual choice and the responsibility we hold among ourselves and to society blends us with or without a compromise or sacrifice. The life forms give no meaning to our existence. Sometimes we meet the one we want too soon. Things go wrong somewhere. On other hand it’s too late and we can’t afford to look forward and leave everything behind.
It’s true, sometimes the thing we started needs to end. But it’s a wonder, is LOVE everything? Most people would say NO! Hardly anyone would accept that it’s everything an individual might want. We read lots of love stories and movies and want these things to happen in our life. But the effort one puts in to making their life beautiful as it is in the book seem unreasonable.
Everyone wants to marry, have a loyal partner and have a lovely family. Yet somewhere down the line, they are still not so sure if it’s that they really want. Feelings for someone, and a marriage certificate with someone else. 1 or 3 years down the line of, or let’s say even after 15 ro 20 years, something great tickles and they know it was a wrong move in life and they want to get out of it. (Which makes me wonder, every individual knew what they wanted, why did they knowingly choose to do something their heart was so against)
Next we have issues related to extra marital affair or extra affair. It’s not wrong to fall in love, but what was missing from the present relationship that one had to search for extra? Every individual can make their relationship work, but its either just one person putting the effort or none. (My views.) Can’t blame any individual for falling in love. But when they know it’s not working out, why go make another one? (Stupid of me to say it)
Anyways, feelings emotions is the wonders of the world, either breaking us or makes us. Are we too selfish? Or are we so ignorant? Are we ignoring our own feelings and going against them? When do we know what we want? Is our lifestyle making us something which we don’t want to be? Are we ready to listen to our heart for a change instead of what others say is important in life? (I believe here is the answer which is going to depend upon person to person.) But ultimately every choice we make has a compromise and a price to pay. We just need to know which is worth which.
I end here with so many blur questions. Apologies for it.
Birds are happy
That the summer has came
Diving the winter livery
Trees regain to shed it leaves
Germinate a new;
Orchid bloom its own fragrance
Sky lark sings thro’ gifted tong
Through the wood and vales;
When spring rain touch a new leaf
It’s time to sow the seed
Forgotten brook regain it’ peace
Gurgle across the green valley
Framers set for the cultivation
With spade and hoe;
Pair of oxen were heavily yoked
Plough deep under the earth
To bring a new cultivation
Dripping sweat to each other’s hair
Razed body under the sun
Forbidden land begin cultivations
Sweating under the hardest of toil
Cricket whistle thru’ their sharp voice.
Under the whispering wind
Sparkling sweat to each other’s face
Birds sing through various tunes
Beside very corner of the field
Farmer can’t wait in peace.
Until their crop being harvested.
In her eyes of enjoyment, I see thousand rays of smile!
Only you in this town, I see love fill in your smile!
One that is all mix with zephyr, thousand wafts with thy aroma!
Thousands of love, in that wall of division!
Only you are standing, alone with mission!
One that is mix with gentleness, thousands follows thy way!
One alone with thee, with thy shape of marvelous!
In those eyes of joy, dwelling you and countless!
I get dissolve in love, the love of transform!
Still along on your journey, wafting like the feather!
Think about me; Think about my time with you!
Still I hold the breadth, the breadth of your hither!
Galloping sound of your coming, my heart throbs to hear!
Thy face shines far, yet covering the large arena!
Thee in that power may your love flourish, come hither, young girl!
Yes, I walked away and it’s true. I kept silence, tried to close my eyes and pretended to be bold enough. It’s even true. Why? Because the reason I do such might be of much weight-age rather than continuing with my own self-centered extra marital life. I can understand the intensity of pain that you’re bearing as more pain is in my heart. The day I decided myself that I would walk away from you till today, the trauma of leaving you kills me the most. All the time I smile and pretend everything to be okay; hold back my tears and pain. In reality, my love for you never ends. I know, and it’s true that the worst mistake I am committing is to walk away from you; you who actually stood there and waited for me.
The biggest challenge in me now is how to make you understand. How to let you know why I walked away? Dear, it’s not coz I don’t love you. It’s neither you hated me nor I. it’s not coz loving you is not worth it. It’s not coz someone more dear than you came in my life. It’s not coz the distance hampered the degree of my feeling for you. I always appreciate your absence which makes me think of you more. The reasons are far beyond. We may not know or realize the importance of people associated with you for a longer span of time unless they try to cheat you. Having had the extreme experience and understanding those people who had similar problems, I bit my lips to decide and walk away before things get too serious.
My dear, you have a lovely family. I have my own. In due course of time what I learned is, little problems are always associated within our own family. They are part and parcel of life as life itself isn’t certain. Keeping such in mind, cheating doesn’t justify to the family members that you and I have. Nor it would solve the problem. Rather, our secret relation would worsen and ruin the situation. That is the biggest fear that I bore. Why? Coz we have to be fit in society. People around have trusted me and still they do. Therefore, I can’t be selfish enough to ruin them, hurt their sentiments and betray them. It’s rather I suffer to walk away from you. In doing so, once again I would like to say that the pain in you is understood. Come on dear, do you like to be a black sheep in a family? Would you be happy in a situation of people blaming you for leaving your own life partner? Most importantly, can you betray your life partner?
Dear, I still love you so much. That is the reason why I can’t withstand without kissing you the moment I am next to you. The warmth of being next to you is still amazing. The glorious and fine characters in you still kill me and make me mad. But what can I do rather than to walk away silently holding my heart. Even to mention about walking away in articles, my heart beats abnormally but there is no way I should be selfish. I equally respect your family. They trust and respect me so much. I can’t hurt them anymore. I want them to continue the situation normally. I can’t be a stone hitting the hump of bees. You clearly said once that “You would hate me if I treated the way you treated me”. I totally agree with you. Now, I frankly say, I don’t mind even if you hate me as it’s me who should be blamed. Me! Useless and coward creature on this filthy earth deserves to be shot, deserves to be hanged and made to torture the whole life for disturbing your good sentiments.
Having said much nonsense, I repeat: I am not walking away coz I don’t love you anymore! I am biting my lips to walk away for the continuity of the peaceful situation within your family and mine, for the well being of your successful married life and to prevent from chaos of walking into the dirty courts, which I always hate!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me say these few things to you. I don’t know whether you would care to read this or not! But I would love it if you just travel through my thoughts, in fact my feelings, for a minute or so.
I love you truly but there are thousand reasons why I am leaving you. You were good to me. Really good. Though you weren’t my first love, you stole away my heart and still it rests in you. It is too hard to take away yet I have to do it. How bad I am? I know, withdrawing an axe from a wounded heart after a long time is more painful than the initial cut. But there is no way I should be continuing as situations are not suitable. I regret for not realizing it before. I am too stupid. At first, I just meant to love you and never wanted you to love me back. But things happened in a way I never desired. It’s all due to my selfish, self-centered and ego mind. When I just decide things to go it in a normal way, I don’t get that line to say “SORRY”. In fact, I deserve to be hanged! Really!
As our secret journey started, you made me feel so cool. You showed me the beautiful part of life and made me feel humble ever. The finest character of a woman that you bear made me go even madder. You even introduced me to some of the finest people on earth and led me towards a brighter side of living; though due to my ignorance and ill-mindedness I couldn’t follow the daily practice seriously. But I bet you, I will always strive to be serious once I am little free. Here again, I deserve the world’s biggest sin.
I never thought my journey of love to you would travel to such a peak until I realized that the things are getting too serious. It was traveling beyond the line of secrecy. The wind of disclosure was blowing faster. This filthy man, bearing the heart of a coward couldn’t handle it rather than to leave! You have your own family and so do I. Why did I do that? Still, you hold a special place in my heart. You do it in a beautiful way. Remember! I just leave but won’t forget! The dilemma I face killed me more than ever. The beautiful moments of sharing the place together to have those silly lunches, walking together along those junctions and eating out those small snacks are yet too fresh in my mind. This time, I don’t deserve even the slightest forgiveness.
As I still love you, and with that in mind, I promise we can still walk together, jog together, share our thoughts, gather, drink together, celebrate together, walk hand in hand (if only you and me), and keep things going the same way as before. I know I did a wrong thing, but I can’t lose you to just walk away and forget me. At least, I want you around me so that, silently, I can enjoy the beauty of my finest woman ever encountered in my life……… So SORRY, I walked away! But I hold you still!!!
There he stood, his hands moving like an artists’. I am lost for a while, observing him. He is [only] a person making brooms – one set was what is commonly called in our country as the hard broom. Another delicate set lay a little further away from him. They looked more like flower buds. I pick one up and look at it carefully. Before I realize, I find that I have remarked that it looks more like a flower and it is a shame that they should be used as broom. But anyway, that is immaterial in comparison to what followed.
I am with my colleagues. I honestly don’t remember clearly how we came to be there. It is in a lucid, secret corner of the country. There is a green meadow surrounding this man’s house, which is a two storeyed house with a wide verandah – and that is where he works. He does not even seem to cultivate his field. By the look of it, he seems to live on this trade. Right across his house is a blacktopped road (the color a bit washed away). I think to myself that it is strange that such a small corner of the country should have got road a long time ago. This road is bordered by broad-leaved forest, which adds to the serenity of the place. I first fall in love with the place. Then, I catch eyes of the man.
All this while, I am lost in my own thoughts, my colleagues have bought quite a large number of hard broom and when I notice, they are putting them in a sack. I quietly pull out the gentler broom and indicate to the man that I want to buy that. I find myself taken aback by the price. It is just Nu 5.00. I don’t have change. So I pay him Nu 500.00. He takes quite a while in counting the change. Before he has handed over the change to me, my colleagues have left the place. I quickly go up the ladder (stranger still that the exit should be from the top floor and not where the verandah is). I count the change as I walk and find that he has actually slipped into my hands a huge amount of money. I run back to him to tell him that he has mistakenly given me more than was owed.
He stood next to the fence, where he has a friend working on it. As I step in front of him, a little breathless from the rush, he pulls me over in his arms and kisses me on my lips. And at that moment, all differences seem to have fallen apart. I am drowned by the emotions in his eyes and it didn’t matter that he couldn’t speak. As I write this, I remember how gentle his lips and hands were despite being a person on the farm. He tells me that he wanted me to take the money and he refuses to take it back. Anyway, he walks with me, in a way of seeing me off. As we leave his house, I see that his wife is at the back of his house, pushing swing for children. I didn’t notice earlier that there is a small park behind his house. I am unsure if I should go and inform his wife that I am now leaving – and then, I choose not to go.
Still feeling little butterflies in my heart, we walk on. My colleagues are waiting near a stream, every one of them looking at us, as if they have some kind of suspicion of wrongdoing. I feel a little guilty, firstly for having come without saying goodbye to his wife, and secondly for making my colleagues wait. We walk up to them, both of us smiling, acknowledging their presence. Suddenly, he is nowhere to be seen. Panic runs down me. Did he leave and I didn’t know? Did he feel ignored? The burden on my heart is heavier than the guilt now. I have fallen for him in the duration of two hours and it didn’t matter that he couldn’t speak.
Adam and Eve defied god’s instructions, tasted the forbidden fruits and they remained on this earth.
Romeo and Juliet left behind their awe-inspiring eternal love legacy.
Shajahan built magnificent Taj Mahal for his beloved Mamtazmahal.
Egyptian king ordered his artists to carve the most beautiful statue of the queen Nefertiti.
Lord Tennyson penned down the famous poem titled “The Lady of Shallot”.
Shakespeare wrote the most renowned play called “The Tamming of the Shrewd”.
Rohan Rathor composed and left behind sentimental song for his beloved girl.
Cameron ventured to direct most super hit and legendary Hollywood movie the “Titanic”.
Lord Shiva fought countless battles and embraced many challenges just to win Sati’s love and admiration.
Guru Padmashamvawa tied bond with two Khandoms, though against his strict Buddhist precepts.
Osama Bin laden married five women, in spite of his stature as the most wanted world terrorist.
Gasa Lama Singye jumped into the conflagration to show his genuine love for his departed wife the changyuel Galem.
It was the time when Nopkin use to be the main recreational site for most of the first-timer budding bloggers like myself. It was the day when one used to scribble the day’s happening and post and in return, showers of comments from the readers alike encourages one to scribbles more…… the attachment use to garner among the Nopkin hitters. Line of new members happened to see aligned and branching-out the fraternity of the Nopkin. Light-hearted moment used to be shared by every races of people and some heart-throbbing scenes penned-down for easing the momentum. The moment one gets bored, this was one den that one usually submit for full synergies in the momentum of lives. One would say, that was the happy moment of all………. at least I positively used to believe! It was the time, when I use to be known to the nopkins as ‘TheDogService’ avatar.
Today, as I once again reminisce those moments as I passby this very tag, its kinda nostalgic experiences…..but the sad thing is, the look of Nopkin has drastically taken another shift where, the charm is quite hard to express with little words as I see my account deactivated and articles that I shared being erased. To add more, the complexity of the app has little attraction. This clearly depicts through many of the accounts being left without much concerns. The boast of having about 4000 members is quite a contrary with hundreds still remain a ghost account. And, its not a happy hearing of the most-liked sites of all ages.
Nevertheless, still the loyal and ardent fans can be seen fully attached and the vernal expression still showering in. But, many of our expressionist Nopkins seems to have disappeared compared to those days. Hope the days will reel back with same kinds of joyousness and full of live-awakening moments…….
A journey begins with
A thought in our mind
Words are chosen and formed
Lines of poem
Well written with meanings
With touch of emotions and expressions
A poet starts with
An inspiration of mind,
An aspiration in soul
On our life experience
We start to
Expressing our innermost thoughts
With deep contemplation
To put them in verses
A journey begins when
A poet takes his imagination
To a place where
No one ever dreamed or imagined before
A poet’s journey ends by
writing another lovely poem
And a deep reflection
A poet remains
As a poet
When he or she
Write and Share
High up beneath the beautiful sky, down on the wonderful earth, careful on the lawn
I am there waiting!
Down at the base of the huge mountain, there near the wavy meander, next to the dried log
I am there walking!
Top on the rock feeling the zephyr, looking at the flying birds, feeling the rhythm of love
I am there smiling!
Near at the base of scented cypress, holding the little petal, reminiscing poignant melody
I am there navel-gazing!
Walking by the leading road, near the legendary bridge of truth, head held high
I am there coming!
Holding the mightiest pen with the thought, nearing to play to construe, joining each and every words
I am there writing!
Waiting near the garden of roses and daffodils, considering the beauty in it, folding my arms with poise
I am there enjoying!
Today in my room, tomorrow out in the air, yesterday in the past
I am there chanting!
Hidden in the mood of angst, fighting for the right, seeing the conflict
I am there wondering!
May not the world be ruled with injustice, may the peace prevail, and may someone lead to be good
I am there praying!
I hate not anyone, I love everyone, I care all and that is my potential
Yes I am one of a kind!
When I was in school, I was always enthralled by the superstition of collecting lucky leaves. I was told that if I can catch as many lucky leaves as possible, I would easily get through my examination papers. I never had a shred of doubt about its authenticity, in fact, I believed blindly and unquestionably in what my elders practiced or followed.
What I usually do is, when my examination approaches near, I just wander amidst lots of trees looking vigilantly for falling leaves. As gentle breeze caresses the leaves, I become most active and determined to catch as many leaves before they settle down on the ground. In the pursuit of lucky leaves, I am not only crazy soul, amazingly, many school goers, both male and female can be seen conspicuously chasing lucky leaves.
If I happened to catch lucky leaves, number wouldn’t matter; I meticulously and tidily keep those leaves within the pages of the books. The more lucky leaves I possess, the more admiration and compliment I received from my friends. As the custodian of lots of lucky leaves, I have the prerogative to brag about myself, and I can certainly assure the colorful aspect of my examination without actually sitting for them.
Another amusing superstition that I believed was seeing blazing ambulance with siren to be a good omen. It is said to herald good luck, when the actual fact is that the patient inside the ambulance battles between his/her life and death. Whoever sees the ambulance first is believed to gain good luck for a day. When I get the first glimpse of the ambulance, I usually wish for something good to happen to me within that particular day. So, I used to eagerly and frequently survey motor roads for the sign of ambulance plying to and fro. I never knew the grave situation and tension that rest inside the ambulance; I only cared for its appearance, so that my day is filled with good fortunes though against the unknown fate of the others.
As a child, I was never encouraged to crack a walnut after the sunset, be it outside or inside the house. I clandestinely tried to crack walnuts several times, at odd hours, but this eerie belief of my parents always hunted me and thwarted my endeavor. They said cracking walnuts after the sunset is tantamount to cracking one’s parents’ heads. Whether I believed in their belief or not, I haven’t cracked a single walnut after sunset so far, and I won’t hereafter whatever the reason is behind.
Empty bamboo basket and empty containers
Early in the morning, if you happened to see empty bamboo basket or empty containers, it is said to bring bad luck to the beholder. When I was student, my mind was always obsessed with this superstition; hence, I always prayed that empty baskets or containers don’t mess my mood very early in the morning. But unavoidably, I had encountered people carrying empty baskets and containers early in the morning, which knowingly or unknowingly upset my mood many a time. Contrarily, I don’t remember the consequences that I suffered from seeing empty baskets or containers, but my mind had been indoctrinated to such superstition.
Mumps and pigsty
Once I contracted this contagious disease called mumps during my childhood days. I experienced it for the very first time in my life. Therefore, I didn’t know how to live with it or how to cure this queer disease. I have seen people suffering from this disease and heard about it. As a child, I didn’t have thorough knowledge about the disease, nor did my parents.
But my parents believed in a superstition correlated to mumps. You would find it unorthodox or hilarious, but I did believe in it because they believed in it too. I was asked to go near a pigsty and do three consecutive prostrations. They said it would definitely cure my mumps.
When I heard their suggestion for the first time, I couldn’t believe it. In fact, I felt it strange and so peculiar. On the one hand, I was suffering from swelling check, on the other hand, I was asked to do three prostrations near a pigsty. Somehow, I walked near clustered of pigsties, looked for the presence of any human beings up and down, here and there. I found none, and I quickly did three prostrations with embarrassment and apprehension overflowing in my heart. After those prostrations, neither did my mumps disappear, nor did it show any sign of healing.
It is uploaded for the reading pleasure of all the nopkin members….i hope you all will love to read it.
They must be feasting their eyes with kaleidoscope of splendid landscapes,
Here, I am totally fed up of beholding mountains that surround this dale.
They must be going to Cinema halls, Drayangs and Discotheques to while away their boredom.
Here, I am simply confined only within the four walls of staffroom and my crooked makeshift.
They must be driving Ferrari, Tucson, and Swift uplifting their status.
Here, I am deprived of even descrying a bicycle.
They must be intoxicating themselves with foreign imported liquors like; vodka, Santa Barbara, Fosters etc
Here, I am only left with narrow option to either go for Araa or Bangchng.
They must be going to vegetable market to avail array of fresh vegetables as and when need arises.
Here, I am with my taste bud subdued by the taste of pumpkins and potatoes.
They must be strengthening their body and mind with nutritious meat, butter and cheese.
Here, I am reinforcing my bodily nutrition with whatever villagers bring to sell.
They must be comfortably and easily using machines to cook for them.
Here, I am compelled to cook hazardously using kerosene stove and firewood more often.
They must be befriending people from all professions.
Here, I am left with my co-workers, children and villagers as my friends.
They must be blessed with the wonder of electricity.
Here, I am utterly dependent on the sun’s mercy.