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Articles by: TiTiMo

The Secretary Cliche

17 Aug 2011 Author TiTiMo

“Why did your boss jump out of the window?” the detective at the crime scene asked the secretary.
“I don't know.” she sobbed. “My boss was always so nice to me. Two months ago, he gave me a fur coat; last month, a sports car; and just today, a diamond ring. Then he asked what more it would take to have sex with me.”
“And what did you say to that?” asked the detective.
The secretary replied, “I just said that the other guys in the office usually just gave me fifty dollars

Please read this HRO's argument.

30 Apr 2010 Author TiTiMo

After 10 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no recommendation and that the Company is not doing anything about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;

 

My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.


Manager:-   How many days are there in a year?

Man:-         365 days and some times 366


Manager:-   How many hours make up a day?

Man:-        24 hours


Manager:-  How long do you work in a day?

Man:-        8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.


Manager:-  So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:-        (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

 

Manager:-  That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:-        122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)

 

Manager:-   Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:-        No sir

 

Manager:-  How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:-       52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

 

Manager:-  Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:-        18 days.

 

Manager:-  OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:-        4 days

 

Manager:-  Do you work on New Year day?

Man:-        No sir!

 

Manager! :- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:-        No sir!

 

Manager:-  So how many days are left?

Man:-        2 days sir!

 

Manager:-  Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:-        No sir!

 

Manager:-  So how many days are left?

Man:-       1 day sir!

 

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:-       No sir!

 

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:-       None sir!

 

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:-       I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that

               I was stealing Company money all these days.

 

 

Moral – NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

 

HR=HIGH RISK

Source:  One of my friend.

Long life prayer for all Nopkin members…!!!

12 May 2009 Author TiTiMo

Lama Sangay chen-chik pa,

Gong dho ni-ki  thri-la  zhuk,

Dha-ta  shi-na  dha-ta  long,

Jey dhang  Sangay truelpa  yen,

Ya-shub, ma-shub, Gyel-poi  ku-la  jur-war  shog..!!

 

Please solve this puzzle…!

04 May 2009 Author TiTiMo

i live in water ,

if you cut my head

i am at ur door,

if you cut my tail,

i am a fruit,

if you cut both,

i am with you.

who am i?…………….

Now I am already 65.

02 Sep 2008 Author TiTiMo

Once a 65 year old celibate who tried leading a saintly life was found sobbing soon after his first encounter-in-life with a lady in the night. The sobbing was inconsolable and unstoppable.

His inmates in the dwelling who were half-asleep and observed this ignoble act got up and tried all the ways possible to express regrets and console for losing his celibacy. Inmates felt empathetic for the trap this man had fallen into. When nothing was working to pacify him and they were about to leave him along side the lady, the aged man blurted out sobbing in high intensity,  "zam-bu ling-ga zey, chuth-chain khey rang, less-pay, cham-pala" (I didn’t realize that making love to a woman can be so the sweetest of all in the world. And how should have I missed that for so long. Now I am already 65.)

Sunday morning at 11:00 am.

09 Jul 2008 Author TiTiMo

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients were dying in the same bed every Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was contaced and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. On the next Sunday morning a few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.

Just then the clock struck 11…

And then……

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Source:- Internet.

Tape recorder crashed…!!!

12 Jun 2008 Author TiTiMo

The husband had left for the USA for a 2 week course. His wife was very excited but during a day working at home, the tape recorder accidently fell and crashed. She was so worried about telling her husband about such a incident because it was quite expensive. After 2 weeks the husband came back with presents for the family. The wife later shared the story about the tape recorder (aai-ga  tape  saga-shon-khe-ney, photh-pa ta) when they on the climax. But in a strange voice, the husband replied, (photh-chen, photh-chen,  taka mang-pha) "Never mind".

After that he scolded his wife, saying "How did this incident happen? This was very expensive". He also warned her not to do it again.

Sorry Brother…..!!!!

13 May 2008 Author TiTiMo

One boy loved a girl very much for a month, but couldn't get himself to tell her so. One day he went to her and asked her to give him a bowl of urine. The girl was upset to see such stupid approach by him. But any way she gave as per his request. So, the boy was so thrilled, and back to his room, pulled down his pants, put it in the bowl and said, "Sorry brother, today there is no meat for you; only soup. So please have this soup."

Secret of a happy married life by man…..!!!

24 Apr 2008 Author TiTiMo

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these"

Source: Internet

Refresh your Brain…

21 Mar 2008 Author TiTiMo

All readers,

kindly help me to answer this.

 

‘First of first’

‘Second and third is nothing’

‘Last of last is ball’

That is you.

Then what is you? 

 

Ans:-……….

All nopkin readers…!

13 Mar 2008 Author TiTiMo

Dear all Nopkin readers,

Did you watch constituency candidates debate in BBS last night?  Last night debate was very interesting and really made me laugh. Because it sounds differently for me when the saying goes like:- ‘Nga-chay  tshogpa di, gyel-kha  thob-bay,  zhung tsong-ney thob-ba  chain,  ley-shom bay  tsong-tshup  zer  zhu-ni-een’ la .

And final conclusion was:- ‘dha-rey  na khu-den  yong-dang,  druk    zan-thra  nang    taem zhik-nangmi  yong-lu-yang  kadrin-chhe  zer  zhu-ni  een  la.

Male or Female???

06 Mar 2008 Author TiTiMo

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples: 

 
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

 
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons. 

 
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

 
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

 

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water. 

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently
 getting hit on. 

 
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people. 

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom. 

 
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

 
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

Have you been there la…?

07 Feb 2008 Author TiTiMo

Dear all,

For all the love and care, I just wanna tell you all; have you been to the hell? If not please you go to the hell. Just go to the hell. Because, you are the one who can change a hell into a heaven

Biscuit maker's love letter

05 Feb 2008 Author TiTiMo

A Biscuit maker wrote a love letter to his girlfriend.

Dear Marie,

yesterday was a good day. Our meeting was Nice. But the chance of success of our love is 50-50. Because,your father is like a Tiger. Will you give me your Little Heart? Otherwise I’ll become a Karacjack.

Is it really old…???

15 Jan 2008 Author TiTiMo

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin".

The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crab, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit. 

The ‘3 needs and 3 indefatigable’…!!!

14 Jan 2008 Author TiTiMo

Recently I visited Chhimi Lhakhang with some of my friends and one of them told a story about Lam Dukpa Kunley. That reminded me of another interesting history about Lam Dukpa Kunley. Actually this story was told by my sixth grade Dzongkha Lopon.

It means The three teachings on the “Three Needs and Three Indefatigable”. Of course Lam Dukpa Kunley couldn’t be heavy-handed and solemn about it. But even he pointed to the importance of relating to a teacher. He gave to the people of Samten Gang village, in Wangdi Phodrang District, a discourse that ended with:

The teaching on the Three Needs are:

* Although one's mind is clear, one needs a Lama;
* Although a lamp burns brightly, it still needs oil;
* Although one's mind can be self-evident, it still needs recognition;

                                           And
The teachings on the Three Indefatigable are:

* Monks never get tired of wealth,
* Girls never get tired of sex,
* Kunley never gets tired of girls.

2nd Tarzan….!!!

14 Jan 2008 Author TiTiMo

Tarzan crashed into a tree. Broke all bones. Animals put him back together with eyes from the Eagle. Arms from a Silver back, and a Elephant trunk for his male organ. Animals asked him later, "Do you like your parts Tarzan?" Tarzan replied " Me love my Eyes, can see far like an Eagle. Love my Arms, crush anything I want and very strong. I HATE my male organ. It is always trying to pick up grass and put it in to my butt."

What is Spontaneous song…???

04 Jan 2008 Author TiTiMo

I think you might not have heard this before. But for those who have heard this before, please take it as reminder. I found it very interesting to read this song, which is sung by Lam Drukpa Kuenley, during his visit to Kongpo village in Tibet. Hope you may also enjoy for reading this. Of course, devotion can be a tricky issue, especially for people who have no humor. Anyway…

"Before we really go deep, let me ask you few question:

1.         Are you a good singer?

2.         Are you good at composing songs?

If so, what is spontaneous song?

        *    What everyone needs is Nirvana;

*    What one need for oneself is independent;

*    What the worldly man needs is wealth;

*    What old ladies need is malicious gossip;

*    And what old age needs is many sons;

*    What young girls need is a donkey’s penis;

*    To give freely is generosity;

*    To be free from avarice is wealth;

*    I am duty-free Kuenga Legpai

        *    And you two, mother and daughter;

*    Are my generous patrons.

Another interesting thing is, can you respect if you meet him today?

 

Source:

 “The Madman and the Dutchman “
 “ Tulips for the Dragon”.

Special wishes to all the Nopkin members…!!!

28 Dec 2007 Author TiTiMo

Wish you A Very Happy New Year 2008. May you and your
loved ones have good health, luck, love, peace,
prosperity and greater joys in 2008 and beyond.

Let peace prevail on Earth!

 

But at the moment the weather is warm and humid, especially during morning and evening in Thimphu. So, please go and relax near ‘bhu-kha-ri’ with fried Ara and Azay.

Best Regards,

TiTiMo

Bed sheet blowing cool air???

13 Dec 2007 Author TiTiMo

During the midsummer in Samtse, a couple was sleeping with their 4 yrs child.

The temperature was warm and humid, they used bed sheet as their blanket. After couple of hours, the father and mother were in action (their climax was just next door), the cool air blew when father bumped (also could be pumped). The child was feeling relaxed when the cool air blew. Afterwards the child asked “ Babu Pheri  phaw-phaw  garnu-ni?” father can u bum some more? Father said; Ba-bu-ley  kang  sag-tsho,  pura-thak-kew” ‘huh’ I’m tried, now no more energy!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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