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Articles by: sangkudem

STILL WAITING MY DEAR…

27 Nov 2012 Author sangkudem

I know that very well from my heart that you will not love me even once in your life because after trying hard for 3 years, there wasn’t any reaction from your side. I don’t understand myself, why I always cling on you even after knowing the fact that you don’t love me.

Why it is you only that gets stuck on my mind. I thought that I was moving on with my life but thinking deeply, I wasn’t moving ahead at all, really I wasn’t at all……. You are able to move on because you don’t have space for me.

Everything reminds me of you. When some strangers smile to me, I remember your smile. When I look at the stars, I remember a walk with you. When I listen to music, it reminds me of you, why it has to be you only that reminds everything.

To you, 3 years might have been nothing to you, as you might be feeling, 3 years as 3 seconds, 3 minutes and 3 days but 3 years, I waited you to love me and 3 years was something that I can’t let it go freely. I waited for you and still I do ………

Don’t know how long I have to wait for you but I will wait for you because boy! You are the one I have been waiting. Love connects me with you but you never give chance to yourself to know that, “does love really connect you with me”. If only, you thought deeply inside your heart, I am sure I would never have been alone, even in the crowd.

Will you just once listen to me, what my heart really wants to say to you, will you? You will never going to listen to my heart as you don’t feel the pain in my heart.  Sometimes I blame GOD that you don’t understand my feelings and why it is you that has to be in me but I am thankful at the mean time coz GOD made me feel what is love with pain.

It was love at first sight and it remained forever sealed in my heart, your first sight was all enough to make me love you forever. Everything has change and nothing remains same but thinking of u makes all things same around me. I revealed my feelings to you but all you could say was, “its okay”. How I feel stupid of myself.

I could see myself waiting for you, when you are not there at all. When I think of you, my little heart gets pain but still then I want to keep you, as it is the heart that chooses you only. Am I really that stupid, thinking that one fine day, you would confess that you are in love with me.

I cried, cried a lot and sometimes I am unable to cry because you have never understood me. Even from three years now, I can still see your face so clearly, as if I have met you yesterday. No matter how much I have to struggle further more and get heartbroken, I am going to love you more because I have secretly learned the meaning of LOVE and you taught me about PAIN without knowing yourself. Now all I wish is that, you just understand my feelings and only if you knew, you mean…

Wish You Knew

21 Jun 2012 Author sangkudem

Sometimes I feel so stupid in love on why I keep on loving you when all I know is that you don't love me at all. I have never forced you to be mine but I have tried a lot by confessing my love towards you. With the passage of time, I should have forgotten you but my heart was not at all ready to forget even if it has been 3 years now.

I waited for your return hoping that you might have got a soft corner for me and that you would always stay with me forever but I was wrong in thinking all these. Why do I love you when all you do is ignore my feelings?

I never blame you for not loving me nor hate you for not understanding, I just hate my stupid heart for longing you in my life. I know that you don't have any feelings for me, knowing all these; my heart still loves you and only you.

How am I going to tell you or show you that I need you so much? The rhythm of my love, wish you knew by looking at my eyes. We have met before and when I come just near you, you pretend as if we have never met before? Why you are hurting me so much?

I know that I am not perfect in anything I do but if you have looked in my heart and give me a chance I would have proved to a perfect girl in your life. I have never asked an opportunity to prove myself and you also never gave me chance.

As I sit all alone here thinking about you, my face is wet with tears and I feel that I should not have cried so much but tears fall because I love you. I feel that I should move on but I just can't help myself coz you are always in my mind to let me start all over. I love you more than you know. You have never loved me and never cared about my feeling of how I feel.

When I close my eyes I see you with me and when I open my eyes you are not at all mine. Love is what I feel for you and I can't say that I can do anything for you but one thing I am sure is that I can love you always. How much I tried to come closer and tried to make you mine that much you avoid me and never let me stay beside you.

I feel good when I am hurt and tears flow coz it shows that I have loved you so much and have been thinking about you all day. My friends would say I am fool, mad, psycho so on… and that you would never love me but it doesn't matter because my love for is you is still alive even if your love for me is dead. I love you and will always love you……………

My Dream boy

27 Jan 2012 Author sangkudem

The moment I put my head on the pillow……. I get lost in the dream of someone I never know. I don't know anything about him. Don't know why I see a dream of him only. When I sleep with a lonely heart, there I can see him holding my hand. He never lets me cry. He talks so much of something that I never understand.

In my sleep, I try to figure out where he actually came from but he never told me. In the morning, I feel myself smiling without any reason but I guess there was a reason behind that and that reason was my dream boy, whom I see in the dream.

My friends think it's a funny dream that I see. They say I might have seen it due to the Korean movies I watched. At first I thought, Yap! It might be due to that but guess so; it wasn't due to that, as I saw him again.

One of my favorite dreams with him was; I was in the middle of the crowd. I really get nervous in the crowd.  So it happened that a couple was taking a photo and just beside them, was a guy who was smiling at the couple. I didn't bother to look at that guy and just turn off to find my way to home when suddenly he took hold of my hand so tightly and snapped a photo. I was so surprised to see him doing all this. He was still holding my hand and I was lost in his world, really I was lost. Before I ask him why he did that, he just disappeared. His face was so tough to be remembered but I still remember him wearing a brown coat.

It was after 2 days back, I saw him in my dream and this time I could figure out how he looks like. He is tall, brown with complexion, hair style so cute and was wearing that brown coat only.  Again I was lost seeing him. He took hold of my hand once more and took me to the place I have never been before. I can see there a snow falling and just there was he smiling and leaving me in the middle of the snow fall. Again before I ask him his name, he disappeared.

He left me with memories though it was for a short duration. I know people might think I have gone crack and psycho but what to do I am just in love with my dream boy. Don't know why I have fallen in love with him as it was just a dream but well friends…… I got to find the reason from him and dream is not yet end, It goes on and on………………..

Dream Again

10 Jan 2012 Author sangkudem

I saw a dream…….
Dream so beautiful……….
Dream that I didn't dream t ever dreamed……..
I was in the middle……..
Middle of white flowers………..
Flowers just like winter snow…….
Oh! How I wish…..
I could just sleep and dream again……

All around I can see is……….
Flowers, all flowers only……
When I looked up………
Flowers were falling from the sky……..
Just for me……..
Oh! How I wish……….
I could just sleep and dream it again…….

There I saw lord……..
Relly I saw lord……..
Raising his hand, he said……..
Come my Lil angel…..
ANGEL he called me,……..
Oh! How I wish……
I could just sleep and dream again……….

SOMETHING WOULD NEVER CHANGE FOR ME

22 Dec 2011 Author sangkudem

The situation of the world goes on changing year by year but my own world would never change for me, it would always remain the same for me when I opened my eyes to this world with a green pasture everywhere.

The situation of the parents and their children change with the time they grow up and settle in their own world and love decrease little bit but my love for my parents won't change for me, as it was my parents who taught me to smile and love just like others kids do.

The weather changes every year but the weather will remain same for me and would not change for me, as I have felt the softness of wind, coldness of snow and heart melting ray of sun.

The time would not wait for any one and it goes on tickling but my time would never change for me because as time passes by I learnt that how to handle with the worst situation of my life and how I struggled to achieve life with time and where I won the victory of life.

The relation of the siblings would change with the passing time but my heart would never change for my sister whom I deeply thank for giving me the second life, when I have no use of staying in this world.

I may not be good sometimes, might hurt sometimes, give up sometimes but there is one last thing that would never change for me or for him to me. That is my faith in GOD and his love for me, for he is with me wherever I am.

LIFE WITH HOPE

19 Sep 2011 Author sangkudem

With the time passing through day, I can see that life is becoming miserable sometimes. What is life I used to wonder? Now with the passing time, I get to know what life is. I can see life combined with love, hatred and war.  I can see that life one of the precious gem that god gave to us. God is fair; I think so, when he has given everybody a chance to feel how and what life is like when you are still on this Eden. With life, Hope is there.

It was on Saturday 17th October, 2011 at around 10 am, that one of the contractors who works with the Project. Came to our office for some works. I was just photocopying his letter, when I came to know that he was suffering from Cancer. I felt so much pity on him. After finishing his photocopy, I passed the letter to him. I just stand behind him, when he was talking to the Dy. Manager. I saw him acting as a normal person, even with that pain in his heart. He never let someone know he's really in pain. When he was about to leave the office, I asked him, was the operations successful? Then he said that he's living with hope that tomorrow he would be fine with a smile, though deep within his heart he knows he not going to be fine at all. Some would have give up the hope to life, when such things happens to them, but that  man lives with hope and is fighting with that disease in order to feed his family and works with much dedication to his dream before it's not too late for him left it undone.

 Hope is what we should have in life, when we are in trouble. Hope will let you down sometimes but do not lose faith in hope with life. As hope is also the one that will make your life a comfortable place to live on. I feel proud of that man and hope he will live some more years further.

Letter to God………..

12 Sep 2011 Author sangkudem

Dear God,

Each and every single day, I try to hold it as memories close to my heart. But today the day of 12.9.2011 was the day I shall never forget it. I was trying my best to be a good friend to my good buddy. You said that we must always forgive our friend and enemies if they do badly to us. I was following that path but guess so being too much of patient n tolerating all this I think it was of no use at all. I have always gathered all of her memories as a special one and all these memories have flown away like a wind within one second by her words which is indigestible.  How a friend can hurt her friend who thinks her friend as her own flesh. People says she is like this and that but I just simply ignore them because I know that she won't be like that but I was wrong, never had I expected my roommate to insult me in front of the society and even I think god have also not expected at all. How can a person whom I have trusted more than myself can hurt me so much with all these cunning words. She has made me a shameless girl in front of my society.

I don't know how to face the society with this face. I still can't believe my ears of what she have back bite about me. Feels like it was just a bad dream I saw last night. As far as I am concerned to myself, I have never hurt her at all and you might also know that too.  I feel like you are not fair. How can you let me be insulted so much when I have believed a lot in you?  You promised to be with me by my side, promised never to let me fall down, promised never to make me feel ashamed. So where is your promise? Was your promise to insult me by her? I don't have any more strength to tolerate all this. For how many times do I have to be insulted by her or do I have to still wait more for that?

Well forgive me for being so arrogant and ruthless to you and I shall live with faith that one day, whatever you do will happen for good only. Please forgive me if I can't forgive my friend for all this. I will wait for that day to be beautiful again.

 

Yours humble gal

Sally……………

MY SISTER MY EVERYTHING

17 Jun 2011 Author sangkudem

When I utter the word SISTER, it has many meanings to me. The word SISTER means everything to me.

It's not an easy job for one person to be all. I know my sister how hard ship she took for me to be whom I is today. As a mother, she have taught me how to cook different meals, how to weave a cloth and the households work. She loves me equal with her two sons. As a dad, she used to carry me on her back, just like a father does to his baby, when I was a kid. Taught me how to love others and was there for me all the time. As a brother, she took care of me, come to school to visit me during school time and always give me advice to study well.

She was all I wanted most when I was at my growing age. She has been a mom, a dad and brother to me. My sister she can even be my friend because she plays with me, go together for shopping and do share all her secrets. She is more than a sister. It's been nine years when my parents split off and my sister took care of me till I get on my own foot. I always remember her saying that I am her daughter not a little sister.

Right now I am 21 years old and I am a woman now but for her I shall always remain as a teenage girl. She is my only hope in the upcoming future and owes her all my life. If given a simple wish, I would wish to give her all the happiness that she has waited for so long. I salute you my SISTER for being everything to me.

Love always…

Crystal Gal.


 

FORGIVE ME…….

09 Jun 2011 Author sangkudem

Dear ………

This is the last letter I write to you, when I thought that it is the right time for me. I have hurt you a lot and now I can't hurt you any more for everything. All I want to say is after reading the following reasons; I hope you will forgive me.

Forgive me if u can, because I didn't really mean to leave you all alone. I know it hurts to be all alone now.

Forgive me for not giving any attention to your words. I listened to all your words, though I pretended a deaf ear to you and didn't care of your words at all………

Forgive me for not caring you at all, because I wanted you to take care of yourself, when I am not beside you.

Forgive me for ignoring your pure love, because I don't want to be the burden to your pure love.

Forgive me for not saying I LOVE YOU when you say to me because it's the only way you can ignore me.

Forgive me for not sharing my feelings to you, because I don't want you to lead your life with broken heart.

Forgive me for I could not say I have less time in this world, because I can't see you being heartbroken

I have always seen a bright future with you but it was just a dream for me now. Forgive me if I could not stay with you for a long time, what to do it is the fate that I couldn't stay with you forever. I have loved you so much with all my heart. Death wanted me and I wanted you. It was the biggest nightmares for me to take decision. So I decided death to be my life because I know from the depth of my heart that god is with you and have a plan for your happy life to be lead by yourself when I am no more in this world.

Love you with every tear drops of mine.

Love always.

Crystal Girl.


Heart broken

29 Apr 2011 Author sangkudem

What hurts the heart is when the person whom you love most does not understand the pain you are hiding deep inside your heart and how much he means to you….

When you are in love and unable to express your feelings, it hurts so much. Likewise I was in pain to share my feelings to him as I was always afraid that he might  ignore me but he did it. I wonder whats wrong with me that I couldn't achieve his love but now I know that it is not only me that can love him. Even one person can be loved by many.

I choose him in my life and he choose someone. I am happy to know that he got a girl better then me but it really hurts to see the one you love most is with someone else. I cherish those few memories I had with you and this keep me reminding you all the time. His smiles is the one I always wish to see it all the time, as first impression is the last impression.

I feel my days are dull in color and everything around me in pin drop of silence. Different was he among the guys I have met. I have always dream that one day he would love me back like I do to him but its of no use dreaming, as I am too late to have him in my life.

FAMILY

26 Apr 2011 Author sangkudem

Learn from them when they teach you.
Smile to them, when they smiled at you.
Keep faith when they try best for your life.
Love someone when they teach you how to love.
Live for someone when they teach you how to live.
Listen to them back when they listened to you before.
Understand them, when they understood you in trouble
Give shoulder to cry when they gave you shoulder to cry.
Hold that hand which holds your hand when you were afraid.
Love, live, give, keep, hold, learn, listen, smile and understand
Your family who only wish good for your life.

Afraid Of………

01 Apr 2011 Author sangkudem

I am afraid to stare at your eyes,
Because you might think I am flirting.
I am afraid to love you,
Because you might leave me.
I am afraid to hold your hand,
Because you might hold another hand.
I afraid to give you my heart,
Because you might play with it.
I am afraid to say I love you,
Because you might say I am sorry.
I am afraid to say I miss you,
Because you might think I didn't miss you at all.
I am afraid to say you are my light,
Because you might leave me in the darkness.
I am afraid to say I am busy for some time,
because you might think I am with another guy.
I am afraid to say you  stay with me,
because you might think it will be useless.
I am afraid to share my feelings,
because you might think its all rubbish.

I was afraid of losing you. You knew that and left me alone knowing what I am afraid of and it was never meant fort YOU and me to be together.

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