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Articles by: deepeeyangzom

I STILL WANT TO SAY HI AND KNOW HOW YOU ARE

29 Oct 2012 Author deepeeyangzom

We met online, had a good time, chatted again and became good friends. Do you ever recall the first day we met? The day we became friends? I do and I will always remember that very day I knew and will remember for the days to come.  The times we had together still lives fresh deep in my heart. It is good to reflect and remember the good times we had together.

You said, you love me and i loved you too. I loved you, not your face, I loved you, not your post, I loved you, not your wealth. I loved your HEART. There wasn’t a day went by without missing you and without thinking about you. Trusted you and loved you with all my heart.  Came to a situation where I couldn’t skip a day without keeping in touch with you. Never imagined that one day you would find a reason to leave me. Never knew you would be so harsh towards my feelings. Your decision shattered me, made me go numb, felt the emptiness around me, broke my heart into pieces and still didn’t believe it. When i came back to sense, countless tears rolled down my check.What about the promise you made? The promise you made is still fresh in my mind. “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU” I do remember you telling me time and again not to leave you but then it happened just the opposite.You shouldn’t make any promises if you can’t keep it. I always thought promises must never be broken. May be some promises are meant to be broken, to let us learn not to trust anyone again. May be i am not fortunate to have you in my life, indeed i am not blessed to be with you. Even the emotional songs made me weep over again and again as though the lyrics were written just for me.

If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then you would realize how much you are loved and how much you are missed every single day. You will know how much your silence hurts.  It’s more painful than the harsh words spoken.

You found a reason to ignore me indeed you never felt my love. I don’t have resentment or hatred towards you. You are probably the one of the best things that happened to me in my life. Thank you for coming in my life and leaving your footprints on my heart. All I am left are the memories and a heart around your name. Hope there may be a day you realize how true my love was.

Deaths After Death!

28 Sep 2012 Author deepeeyangzom

It is very sad for me to recollect my moments of togetherness with my Dad. I vividly remember our happy life with him guiding and caring us, his son and daughters, all the time. To the world he was a simple man who stood the test of time, but to us, he was our world: a world without which we would find no life.

People say life is like a novel, full of suspense: you don’t know what’s going to happen unless you flip to the next page. This is indeed an inescapable truth. My ‘happy life’ became a chapter of sheer suspense in the novel of ‘our life’ when my Dad fell ill.

I remember vaguely seeing him for the last time on his sick bed. I was eight years old then with my brother ten and sister four. All of us were too young to realize that sickness was one of the signs of death’s arrival. We never thought our Dad would desert us as he loved us more than himself. He suffered from cancer; the disease which I later came to know was incurable. Before we could grow tall to fetch him a cup of water in his death bed, he left us alone in the world. The ‘merciless’ death took him, our world, too early.

It was in the year 1992 when my Mom was 28. His death brought a great blow to our lives. It affected our family so much. My Mom had to run from early morning till late evening hunting for the square meals for us. Everything shattered: the heaven burst away and hell faced us. In the darkness, we lost our path and in fact the zest to walk.

We were trying to overcome the atrocities of death of our beloved father when my mother-in-law (Dad’s sister) gave us another ‘death’. Deaths after death! She, who was once amiable turned hostile and demanded my father’s property. Even before my Mom could finish my Dad’s funeral, she snatched my Dad’s briefcase that had some amount money and demanded more. When we refused to hand over other properties, she returned with her men bringing sickles and crowbars to uproot our home built by my father. She humiliated us and treated us worse than animals. My Mom did not have anyone to lean on and get support. As a kid we were just innocent. The only thing we could do was to watch our Mom running hastily around in tears suffering in the cruel hands of the so-called ‘blood relatives’.

The case did not end with that humiliation. She took us to the court soon after. My innocent Mom had to battle the case alone for several months. It was finally decided that an arbitrator divide the property between my Mom and my mother-in-law. The arbitrator however was bribed by my mother-in-law and he blatantly divided the property unequally favoring her. The scooter which my mother asked the arbitrator to offer to one of the holy places was taken by him. We could do nothing. My fatigued mother was so weak to breathe during all these issues again.

When the head of your family dies, there are many in the society who aspires to be your new head. Without someone to lead the family it is utterly difficult to defend the daily familial functions. You would be living but just for the sake of living.

After my Dad’s death, I grew like a stunted tree by the road side. I saw my friends with their Dad and I wished one for me. But I had none. I often had to reconcile and rekindle my ‘belief’ that he was gone forever and never will he come back even if I missed him billion times.

Today I am decked with so many questions that have no answers. Every time I try to hide them, my sadness of missing my Dad overpowers me. I wish he was still around. I am missing the most wonderful relationship in this world. No pain can ever be stronger than the pain of missing one’s beloved. Even though we do not see each other, he remains in my heart forever. And he will live in my memory for the times to come.

‘I miss you and love you Daddy. You will forever be homed in my warm heart!’

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