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Articles by: p2pbutlost

I turned away but YOU WALKED away!!

13 Feb 2015 Author p2pbutlost

Oh my Dear!!
Nothing is left in my heart
Charm of love and not even that fear
B’cause now you moved apart

I just turned back
But what you did?
Falling in love with him within a while
Is something you really overdid

Seeing me breakdown in endless tears
You did sympathize me with your arms
But where is that love we carried for years?
And where are those earlier charms?

You are no more you
The ‘you’ that embraced this filthy man
With all your heart and soul true
Who’s now your heart’s gate man

Yes, I see your growing ego
As I watch from the doorstep of your heart
To you, now I’m much smaller than a mosquito
As your heart already abandoned this poor shepherd

At times with a purpose in my mind I act
Trying to capture the truth of you to me
And to see how genuinely you react
But with every action you always try to flee

As I now toil in to the far east
All alone amongst the crowd of careless
Your love and affections are all I nurture
Just to realize everything isn’t permanent

Yes, my love!
As long as I breathe a column of air
Like a flying wings of dove
Will carry with me your Charming love
With me will take the loves young
With me will nurture the gone days
With me will carry the beautifully framed
The six lettered word… the “DeePee”
And as I wrinkle to cease to breathe
Shall the word (deepee) dissolve in air
Along the curling smokes
Originating from the crematory of the Shepherd

My love, still alive!!!!

24 Aug 2014 Author p2pbutlost

Yes, I walked away and it’s true. I kept silence, tried to close my eyes and pretended to be bold enough. It’s even true. Why? Because the reason I do such might be of much weight-age rather than continuing with my own self-centered extra marital life. I can understand the intensity of pain that you’re bearing as more pain is in my heart. The day I decided myself that I would walk away from you till today, the trauma of leaving you kills me the most. All the time I smile and pretend everything to be okay; hold back my tears and pain. In reality, my love for you never ends. I know, and it’s true that the worst mistake I am committing is to walk away from you; you who actually stood there and waited for me.

The biggest challenge in me now is how to make you understand. How to let you know why I walked away? Dear, it’s not coz I don’t love you. It’s neither you hated me nor I. it’s not coz loving you is not worth it. It’s not coz someone more dear than you came in my life. It’s not coz the distance hampered the degree of my feeling for you. I always appreciate your absence which makes me think of you more. The reasons are far beyond. We may not know or realize the importance of people associated with you for a longer span of time unless they try to cheat you. Having had the extreme experience and understanding those people who had similar problems, I bit my lips to decide and walk away before things get too serious.

My dear, you have a lovely family. I have my own. In due course of time what I learned is, little problems are always associated within our own family. They are part and parcel of life as life itself isn’t certain. Keeping such in mind, cheating doesn’t justify to the family members that you and I have. Nor it would solve the problem. Rather, our secret relation would worsen and ruin the situation. That is the biggest fear that I bore. Why? Coz we have to be fit in society. People around have trusted me and still they do. Therefore, I can’t be selfish enough to ruin them, hurt their sentiments and betray them. It’s rather I suffer to walk away from you. In doing so, once again I would like to say that the pain in you is understood. Come on dear, do you like to be a black sheep in a family? Would you be happy in a situation of people blaming you for leaving your own life partner? Most importantly, can you betray your life partner?

Dear, I still love you so much. That is the reason why I can’t withstand without kissing you the moment I am next to you. The warmth of being next to you is still amazing. The glorious and fine characters in you still kill me and make me mad. But what can I do rather than to walk away silently holding my heart. Even to mention about walking away in articles, my heart beats abnormally but there is no way I should be selfish. I equally respect your family. They trust and respect me so much. I can’t hurt them anymore. I want them to continue the situation normally. I can’t be a stone hitting the hump of bees. You clearly said once that “You would hate me if I treated the way you treated me”. I totally agree with you. Now, I frankly say, I don’t mind even if you hate me as it’s me who should be blamed. Me! Useless and coward creature on this filthy earth deserves to be shot, deserves to be hanged and made to torture the whole life for disturbing your good sentiments.

Having said much nonsense, I repeat: I am not walking away coz I don’t love you anymore! I am biting my lips to walk away for the continuity of the peaceful situation within your family and mine, for the well being of your successful married life and to prevent from chaos of walking into the dirty courts, which I always hate!!!!!!!!!!!!

With love,

How can I say sorry?

03 Jun 2014 Author p2pbutlost

Let me say these few things to you. I don’t know whether you would care to read this or not! But I would love it if you just travel through my thoughts, in fact my feelings, for a minute or so.
I love you truly but there are thousand reasons why I am leaving you. You were good to me. Really good. Though you weren’t my first love, you stole away my heart and still it rests in you. It is too hard to take away yet I have to do it. How bad I am? I know, withdrawing an axe from a wounded heart after a long time is more painful than the initial cut. But there is no way I should be continuing as situations are not suitable. I regret for not realizing it before. I am too stupid. At first, I just meant to love you and never wanted you to love me back. But things happened in a way I never desired. It’s all due to my selfish, self-centered and ego mind. When I just decide things to go it in a normal way, I don’t get that line to say “SORRY”. In fact, I deserve to be hanged! Really!

As our secret journey started, you made me feel so cool. You showed me the beautiful part of life and made me feel humble ever. The finest character of a woman that you bear made me go even madder. You even introduced me to some of the finest people on earth and led me towards a brighter side of living; though due to my ignorance and ill-mindedness I couldn’t follow the daily practice seriously. But I bet you, I will always strive to be serious once I am little free. Here again, I deserve the world’s biggest sin.
I never thought my journey of love to you would travel to such a peak until I realized that the things are getting too serious. It was traveling beyond the line of secrecy. The wind of disclosure was blowing faster. This filthy man, bearing the heart of a coward couldn’t handle it rather than to leave! You have your own family and so do I. Why did I do that? Still, you hold a special place in my heart. You do it in a beautiful way. Remember! I just leave but won’t forget! The dilemma I face killed me more than ever. The beautiful moments of sharing the place together to have those silly lunches, walking together along those junctions and eating out those small snacks are yet too fresh in my mind. This time, I don’t deserve even the slightest forgiveness.

As I still love you, and with that in mind, I promise we can still walk together, jog together, share our thoughts, gather, drink together, celebrate together, walk hand in hand (if only you and me), and keep things going the same way as before. I know I did a wrong thing, but I can’t lose you to just walk away and forget me. At least, I want you around me so that, silently, I can enjoy the beauty of my finest woman ever encountered in my life……… So SORRY, I walked away! But I hold you still!!!