A part of me
“Our worlds are different, you will never understand me and my life and I will never understand you and your life. We have nothing in common, we will never make it”. But you kept insisting you do understand. Ha…. You did not walk your talk. You used my same words to stop everything and took a part of me as you walked off. Fair enough…. I turned out to be the guinea pig for you. I am glad at least I was of some use to you. You discovered yourself through me, now you know better about your compatibility.
I knew it would be like that and I tried my best to save myself, which I failed miserably. How could I when people have the tendency to have feelings for the very foot-mat that they step on everyday at their homes. And you were a living being who made my days more beautiful with each passing moment. But I still have the happiness with me after all these years that (I guess 5 years) I was once a part of your life. I had a peep in your life and now I live with that little hint I got of your life to imagine how would have been living all these years that I have not seen you. And may be for the rest of our lives.
Irrespective of how things turned out ultimately, more than any sort of feelings I just have regret of not being able to make it up to you; there were so many things I wanted to do with you and for you. And all I have for you now is apologies for having thrown tantrums very often, nagged you, shouted at you…. Thinking of all these, I feel so bad and guilty. May be it is because of the same reason that I still see you as one of the most beautiful people I came across in my life. You endured all my messy deeds and always stood by me. You were the happiest when I did not shout at you for a day – aah… I still remember you saying this to me. but you also need to understand that I did those because I was aware and dreaded you leaving me; I was scared of losing you and wanted you to realize that I needed more than you planned to give me; I was actually begging for your commitment and sincerity.
At one point of time I held you responsible for all the pains that you caused me but all along I still prayed for your happiness. You touched my life so softly yet even today I feel the imprint that you left. A part of me still cries out that you faked everything and deceived me to the core. Sometimes it surprises me to think of how someone could lie looking into someone else’s eyes. But today, at this point of time, I give you the benefit of doubt that you must have meant at least ten percent of what you did and what you said. I look back onto those moments that we lived together with the thought that there must have been few moments that you were true and sincere. Let you be free of all your sins and let it be only happiness and success that crosses your path.