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He came, and he left

04 Sep 2013 Author kuenza

I was hurt beyond words. I was sinking in sorrow. My only solace was to pour my emotions on my Facebook profile through updating the status. I was least bothered that some people, especially my colleagues who are senior to me will find it queer. When you are drunk on emotions of love, you care less of everything else. People have judged me to be a very strong girl. I didn’t really want to portray myself that way, but I felt good about it anyway. It made me think that they respected me as a girl who wouldn’t easily fall victim to any man who made easy promises. But I did. And that is the tragedy of my life. In fact the way people saw me (as a strong girl) made it more difficult for me to deal with it.

I have known him all my life; and we have been friends all our life, until a sudden change crept in. That, I thought was the game of the destiny. Secretly, I have loved him, my best friend. My parents knew him. And worse still, our parents knew each other – and they in fact wished that we would marry. I have heard our mothers secretly talk about it. They even planned on arranging our marriage, if we didn’t fall for each other and get married. All this was only till I and his mother found out that he was already seeing someone else. This girl he was seeing was from a different village, someone his mother couldn’t trust. It made it all the worse, when the girl claimed to be pregnant and he hastily married her, only to learn much later that she wasn’t pregnant at all. Anyway, they remained married. Though he was my first love, and also the love of my life, I prayed well for them. And I decided to move on, amidst much heartaches and tears.

As hard as I tried, I felt like I was dying. This hurt that I felt, something like the lump of hurt that stayed locked in my heart was nothing like any hurt I knew. I cried day and night. My eyes were swollen. I went to office with puffy eyes, my hair uncombed. More than the tears I shed, I was writhing in pain. When I went through all this pain, I had not even a best friend I could share it to, because, all along, I was the strong, respected girl who would never fall victim to such emotions. I must admit that I regretted ever having said anything at all to girls who had cried getting heartbroken over love, or boys who had drunk over unrequited love. Now I knew what it was like to fall in love, get hurt and feel that you have never deserved a true love.

In the midst of all this drama, I met a man, who I thought was god-sent. I thanked God that he had heard me and had sent me someone to take me out of it. But this was only short lived. How I met him is bit bizarre, not because I was drunk. I am not the type who drinks to get over pain. But surely I was drunk over hundreds of emotions that I was feeling for the first time. I had no experience of any of this. This new man in the scene read my thoughts, told me exactly how I felt, and took me in his arms. Oh it did feel good to have someone who knew exactly what I wanted, and made me feel loved. And me the strong girl was already half way through to marriage before I realized that it had all come in a bit of a rush. And he disappeared. He disappeared and I didn’t hear from him again. When I came to my senses, I even wondered if I he had even told me his real name. At this time, at the turn of the events, I must feel utterly deceived. I must feel more drowned in sorrow than I initially was, but I tell you, I am more matured now. He must have seen me as an easy victim to play his tricks on, but I emerge stronger. He has left, yes, but I haven’t forgotten his face. And this is not the end of the world. I do not mean to take revenge, but surely, just as he came walking in my life out of nowhere, he will get a lesson much the same way. That is when, I will probably smile that he chose to walk away before I got entangled in attachment, before I had made a higher commitment.

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