My Love that was
Her face was as bright as the morning sun, her hair silky black and her eyes sparkling like stars which made me fall for Yangchen at the very first sight. But though she was beautiful, I felt something was absent in her. Finally I discover that she never wore a smile, as if mourning someone’s death. Sometimes, along the way, I thought to tell her about of my love but I dared not.
Many days passed; still I could not share my feelings. One day, with a little help from my friends, I wrote a letter. I patiently waited for a reply but none came. I wrote time and again but she never responded. At last, I decided to give it my last shot, I wrote: “This is my last letter and if you don’t accept, I’m never going to fall in love with anyone else in my life. Even if you marry, I’ll go on loving you, I swear. Please accept me. I love you.”
One afternoon, a friend appeared at my class door with a small chit for me. On it was inscribed: “I’ve accepted your proposal” That threw me on top of the world. Thereafter we started talking to each other and grew friendly but rarely went to walks through I’d often ask her. I never saw a smile on her face even once.
One day, unexpectedly, she called me out for a walk. We went out and on that days I saw a smile on her face for the first time. She was so happy she caught my hands and we walked a long distance. We shared everything we felt. The road was silent and sky above was bright with stars. She repeatedly said that she loved me as much as I did.
Earlier, she’d spend not more than an hour with me but that night she never cared about the time. At midnight, I reached her home. I wondered why she was so happy. A few days passed without any contact between us. Then one day, missing her madly, I called her but she was out of touch. I made several calls but, as soon as I got through, she switched off her mobile. Finally, I was able to contact her through my friend’s cell phone. In a sad voice, she said that she didn’t love me anymore. She was in love with another, she said, asking me not to disturb her. I felt very sad. I called again but she refused to reply. Again, through my friend’s phone, I managed to contact her but she did not give me a chance to speak. Instead, she showered harsh words on me. “You’re no better than a beggar. Don’t try to create problem between us. I don’t love you, so don’t even dream of me and don’t try to create problem with me and my boy.”
It was the unkindest words that I felt inside me and I was bit shocked too. I tried to forget her but she was by then deeply rooted in my heart. It was not easier said than done. My friends felt for my plight and took me out sometimes. They repeated told me, “Love the one who loves you, not the one whom you love.” But for a long time I could not follow that advice. Finally, through, I succeeded.
A month later, while my mother and I were having breakfast, there was a call. Mom received it and, after listening for a few seconds, she dropped the phone saying, “Yalama kencho sum!” I asked what was wrong, and she said, “Your friend has just passed away.” Before I could say another word, she went inside to change. Again there was a call. “Oye, tell your mom to come fast; you better come too.” I recognized the voice it was Yangchen’s father. When we reached there, her Mom was sobbing very loudly. In one corner there was a butter lamp burning. Her father and younger sister were also sobbing. My Mom started crying too. I felt for Yangchen too though her harsh last words still echoed in my mind. It was time to forget and forgive. I felt like crying too but resisted. She was lying on her bed lifeless. I pulled her pillow to make her comfortable by raising her head.
Under the pillow I found a letter addressed to me.
My dear sweetheart, I rejected your letter several times in the beginning, thinking that I wouldn’t be able to give you happiness since I was suffering from blood cancer. I’ve lived in a gloomy world due to my disease, counting my days. I accepted your proposal at least just to please you. On our last date together I had terrible pain and knew that my last days were coming. Later I spoke harshly to let you erase me from your heart. Forgive me. I will love you forever. Yours Yangchen.”
That night, disturbed, I went for a walk, where we had gone before. I turned and saw her in the air waving. I thought I was hallucinating, rubbed my eyes. When I looked again, she was gone. A full moon in the middle of the sky and dark solitude were there to accompany me.