To the Wonderful kids i fathered!
My Dearest Son and Daughter;
I am writing this letter after almost two years of our long separation. I know i should have done it much earlier than this but my selfish personal pursuit of this holy rabbit trail has hindered me. It is also because the genuine thought of writing to both of you did not strike simultaneously–that is when i had time, i did not have the energy to write and likewise. I must be blamed for not being able to manage things; so i am apologetic! However, i managed today to put my thoughts into perspective of how i felt since day one till today.
I still remember both of you asking when i would be back and where in the world i was. I hope that both of you still remembers my two year old answer- ‘next week and in Bangkok’ because these were the best answers both of you could easily remember and were very familiar with. I knew these answers also soothe both of you with moral support when you saw your friends’ Daddy carrying them on their shoulders and; two of you placidly showing-off – “our Dad is coming next week from Bangkok with loads of toys- Angry Birds and Barbies”!!
We skyped daily for first few months and saw it go downhill. I could not keep up pace with time. I suspect two of you realized my “Next Week” answer was not forthcoming and reached a point where either of you took turns to talk to me or at times complained of “always me”, “why not he/she” or “talk to our Mom i am off to play”.
Over the two long winters and summers, both of you asked what gifts i would send on either birthdays, what i ate and how happy i felt to be living without both of you nearby. And i answered to keep both of you smiling: “all the barbie dress and barbie dolls i could carry from the store” and “a modern sky electric train that would be fixed around our bedroom walls and make it crawl”. “I am happy but i miss you both; i had good special meals like two of you” were the answers.
I say today, my dear son and daughter; that times were not smooth. Things seemed falling apart. I am sorry again if i disappointed both of you on the birthdays but i know two of you would forgive your Papa!…Won’t you?. Neither was i happy away and nor did i eat special meals like it was cooked by your mama. I miss your mama’s culinary skills so badly. Both of you know my cooking skills–rice turned out overcooked almost every time, curries overcooked or half cooked; too salty that would send me to bed with water bottle nearby; too hot (spicy) burning my mouth for hours; too much oil or at times too less. My God! I had the abuse of time but that’s my own headache..
To you my dear son- i had to leave you in the middle of academic session. I could not drop and pick you from your school. I had to send you by school bus which you seemed disinterested. I saw tiny and fragile body of you taking up that physical challenge to carry your heavy school bag into the school bus. I saw you waved at me once inside the bus. I also know how you cried at the airport to come with me during our last together at the airport. You cried as if i am gonna die..You funny!!. But did you know what?–i cried then on and still do. Crying does not solve the problem my dear son but it should make us strong. Your Papa went through much tougher times your age. You better learn it.
To you my dear daughter- i know you would not agree that i could not come with your mama on the first day of your school. I wonder how pretty you would have looked in my eyes with your school uniform- curly hair (although you wanted to straighten it at 4 and half years!!), runny nose and sulky nature. I still remember your complaints of my absence to be a witness on the day you sowed a seed into the future. But my dear daughter, forgive me for this particular failure and i swear you; that i shall be a witness to greater events in the times to come. Remember “Well Begun is half done”….so you have the rest of it..Believe me.
And today as i write this letter; days are not really far away of those answer i told two years ago. I am coming home my dear son and daughter. I am coming home!!
With all my Love,
Yours truly Dad
P.S: Remember my dear son and daughter that “A Child will remain a child in the heart of parents however old you grow”