Writing in my notebook and writing in online medium is a different experience. I scribble any that comes to mind and hide in my bound book. I never care the grammar or the punctuation marks. My bound book is not a diary but a memory of my imagination and its pages are flipped only by me.
The introduction of online writing made me nervous and my mind went fuzzy. Every time I try something I feel nakedly stripped walking the ramp of literature. I remember spoiling the drama in high school stage while imitating Mel Gibson's Brave Heart. I was to shout “Freedom” but I shouted “Brave Heart” and that was very loud. A roar of laughter followed, I ran backstage and pretended sick for following days. And when I finally made my way to school, I was already having a name.
Therefore, there is nothing different from having a stage fright posting my imaginations here. I sometimes get scared to think if I make sense at all. But there comes an unpredictable excitement to be among many learned guests and members in sharing the same platform. An enthusiasm and enjoyment to see me digitalized have started to addict me more than a nicotine to smoker.
I don't have the opportunity as much as I want it but I have become a happy man that I go on World Wide Web. I have seen a slight change in my composition. I like to care for right vocabulary, right grammar, right tenses and right marks. And I know I have lacked all these incidentally from within and what I do know little comes from anthologies of children's books. Although I have not agreed the concept of shelving reading habits on sidelines to I am busy, still the path looks dim to a blue collar doer.
I have read my notebook to reproduce some of them here. It took me to primary schools where I have written poems on cats, girls, dolls, toys; chronicles on how Mathematics teacher pulled my ear, how I lost the game in marble, how I lied to my parents reaching home late, etc. After much mulling over and not finding a readable one, I decided to give the latest whatever my brainpower has.
My hands still shake, my heart beats faster but I like to type and post even if this world choose to change its shape.
I only have a silent prayer (and it is equivalent to New Year resolution) that I do not get a name.